I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
