its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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