You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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