i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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