I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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