Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
