I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
