Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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