what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
