if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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