yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The police scanner is talking about you again....
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
