I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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