dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
