Sorry, I don't speak sober.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
