Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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