I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
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