somebody snuck up and got me drunk
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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