She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
