So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
