Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
its liver damage thursday
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize