my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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