I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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