Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize