The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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