Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just cut my nipple shaving
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
