dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
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You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
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I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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