How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
