I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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