he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
