I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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