You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
