U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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