The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
