I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
thus making me awesome and them whores
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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