I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
