tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
