My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
