I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
