fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
