He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
