i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
