Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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