My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
