Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
you inspire me to be a worse person
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
