I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Text me some of your sweat
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
