Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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