It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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