everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
