Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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