Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
