i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
