I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
