Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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