u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
