4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
