Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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