Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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