so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
