I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
