I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
