I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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