you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
