apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
